For many relationships, what once was a time of pleasure and comfort slowly turned into turmoil and fear. The control another (perpetrator) can inflict on a partner and remain innocent of any wrongdoing is inconceivable.

I am even more shocked by the perpetrator's tactics after separation; the dynamics change, as does behaviour, and the lengths a miscreant will go to for leverage in and out of the Family Court are shocking.

It should also be acknowledged that many good fathers fall victim to their past partner's behaviour, and it should be recognised that fathers who inflict abuse and coercive control are not only harming the target person, but they are also giving men a negative label. This article explores how far a perpetrator will go after separation, leaving the mother in a state of complete disarray and confusion.

I once saw someone post, ‘A good woman does not leave a good man,’ and similarly, ‘A good man does not leave a good woman.’ When two people who were once in a relationship are no longer together, the dynamic becomes complicated, especially when children are involved.

If a woman ends a relationship with the father of her children due to abuse towards her, the abuse doesn’t always end; this is better known as post-separation abuse.

What is the definition of abuse in the Family Law Act?

'Conduct, whether actual or threatened, by a person towards (or towards the property of) a family member that causes that or any other member of the person's family reasonably to fear for or to reasonably be apprehensive about his or her personal wellbeing or safety'.

It should also be acknowledged that abused women sometimes feel isolated and afraid to speak out for fear of the repercussions.

There is considerable evidence indicating that when a mother leaves an abusive relationship, the abuse often does not stop... The years following separation, including those during Family Court proceedings, are the most perilous for a mother.

Alarmingly, the National Domestic Homicide Project report released in March 2024 showed a 29% increase in suicides among domestic abuse victims compared to previous years.

Statistics aside, I am also appalled at how, in the Family Court, either party—whether applicant or defendant—can include testimony without it being tested in court (hearsay). The law should be amended so that anyone named in an affidavit must appear at a Family Court pre-trial hearing or undergo a test of the affidavit in Court to ascertain its factuality.

My concern is that a perpetrator will exploit tactics, and those tactics need to be eliminated. The perpetrator’s motive is to maintain power, no matter the cost; that motive is also interpreted as abuse, such as • Threats and intimidation • Stalking and surveillance • Legal (Magistrates and Family Court) and financial abuse • Smear campaigns • Manipulation through children

A recent article, ‘Endless litigation in family court as a method of post-separation coercive control’ by Mairead McCormack 2025 posits several interesting recommendations, one being the Duluth Post-Separation Power and Control Wheel and how this could be used to identify non-physical tactics used after separation. As a forensic risk assessor, this is an ideal tool for assessing risk and coercive control.

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It needs to be acknowledged that the lengths a perpetrator will go, including.

• Using both the Magistrates and Family Court System (Endless litigation)

• Using Children

• Financial Abuse

• Discrediting the Mother

• Disrupting Relationships

• Misuse of Mediation

• Disregarding Children’s Needs.

My advice is that, even though the family trial is over or you did not go to trial, the pattern of behaviour may persist; therefore, continue to document everything, as the perpetrator may continue using the same tactics as before.

My advice is to gather and document everything, including

• Keeping a detailed diary or journal

• Save all your digital communication

• Document financial control

• Provide physical evidence

• Obtain witness statements

• Collect medical and psychological reports demonstrating a pattern of behaviour even in the current climate

• Focus on the “course of conduct”

• Arrange chronologically to demonstrate the Abuser’s Intent

• Prove the intent to control

• Use actions, words, and circumstances to identify the impact on yourself.

• Explain the severe adverse impact.

• Focus on frequency and impact. Educate yourself on the legal framework.

• Do not be afraid to seek legal advice

• Report to the police

• Present your evidence in court

If you or someone you know needs help, my service offers confidential, professional assistance to gather forensic evidence and present it. Help is also available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week Call 1800 737 732